Turn and Turn About
by 10000 Fists
Summary: When going into an alternate universe, or reality, sometimes it's best to keep in mind exactly how alternate 'alternate' can be. AU of Road to Ninja. Some Graphic Content; Rated M
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: This is how I think the movie should have gone, and under copywright law, that makes me entitled to write this. As a piece of Critique, it is, and I am, protected under the Fair Use clause. Suck it!

But in on the off chance that it doesn't and I am the one doing the sucking, I do not own Naruto OR any of the related properties. They are owned by the infamous Masashi Kishimoto.

On with the show

**:Line Break:**

A troupe of ninja trudged down the long muddy road leading to Konoha's main gates, their heads hanging low and dejected.

The late sun beat down upon the backs of the Rookie 12, with not a word passing between the lips of the beat down ninja. The heat and humidity drained the energy from their muscles and slowed their pace.

Silent shinobi all, the twelve marched to the gate, Shikamaru giving a call out, a raspy voice from a dry throat.

"Shikamaru Nara and team, reporting in from S-rank capture mission."

A bandana clad man stepped out of the shadows made by the guard booth. Examining each of the twelve critically, he gave a sharp incline of his head.

Immediately over three dozen ANBU appeared scattered around the entrance were made visible as they took the occasion to stand, their dark clothes and plain masks appearing stark in the evening sun.

"We were expecting you sooner, for better or worse." The guardsman said, his form temporarily blurring as the genjutsu hiding his true form dropped. "The Hokage has been expecting you to report in for some time now."

A sigh escaped from the Nara's lips, his trademark phrase shortly following. "We'll report in right away, ANBU-san"

The ANBU nodded once, before once again disappearing into the shadows.

"AWWWWW! Do we have to go see Granny?" Whined a very loud, unusually dressed young man, giving the best pout he could, caked as his face was under the pile of muck that dressed it. "I'm STARVING! I haven't had any ramen for over ten hours, and if I don't get some soon I'm probly gonna die!"

"NARUTO!" A voice, that under normal conditions was considered very effeminate, even petite, growled at the orange clad ninja, making him all but quake in fear. "You're going to go up to see Tsunade-sama just like the rest of us! UNDERSTAND!?"

Naruto nodded feebly, trying a placating motion with his hands to stop the twitch above Sakura Haruno eye; the one that always promised him pain and violence.

The antics of the reinstated team 7 were not lost upon the third member of that sub-division. The pale skinned, dark haired teen dutifully jotted down notes upon the interactions of his fellow teammates.

The REST of the Rookie 12, however, merely looked on with varying amounts of annoyance.

Once Naruto had successfully placated Sakura, and took off running towards the Hokage tower, he was shortly joined in the Hokage's office.

The 12 stood at attention before the scrutinizing gaze of Konoha's fifth Hokage. The legendary Slug Sannin's eyes were leveled at them over steepled hands, unknowingly copying the stance her teacher had taken so many times throughout his reign as ninja supreme. Her arms in this stance blocked out any attempt to look at her legendary bust, to the quiet relief of a few of the more animalistic members of the 12, who doubted their ability to look away from such a display.

After taking the moment to look over the 12's disheveled and muck clad state, the Hokage simply said: "So where are the supposedly resurrected members of Akatsuki now?"

"We don't know, Hokage-sama." Shikamaru said.

"You don't know?" Tsunade responded tightly.

Shikamaru shook his head in the negative.

"You don't know the location of the Criminal organization, which thus far has overtaken several governments, two ninja villages, 17 shipping industries, and ENTIRE country, and, not to mention, is made up entirely of S-RANK CRIMINALS, who now have come back from the DEAD?" Tsunade said scathingly. "Is THAT what you are telling ME? That THAT organization could be outside my WALLS right now, and we wouldn't KNOW ABOUT IT?"

"Yes, Hokage-same." The Nara stated simply, struggling to keep his cool in the face of Tsunade's also legendary temper.

The screaming was reduced to a mere glower after the Nara's statement, replaced instead with heaping overtones of sarcasm. "Well, since it is apparent that you didn't track Akatsuki, tell me what you did do?"

Shikamaru immediately jumped on the occasion to save his team from Tsunade.

"We encountered the group known as Akatsuki approximately one hour after departing from Konoha. That group included all shinobi from that organization, both living and dead, with the sole exception of the Orange Masked Man known as Tobi. We saw Kisame, Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Konan, and Pain in only one body. After a short period of simply staring at each other, Naruto shouted at the Akatsuki members if they 'Wanted to fight or what?' The members, in particular Itachi, found that amusing. The leader, known as Pain, then said to the rest of the organization, 'Well, it's been fun, but I'm the fuck out of here, who's with me?'"

Shikamaru paused to take a breath, giving his Hokage a space to intercede.

"Pain said, 'I'm the fuck out of here?'" She said, a deceptively delicate looking eyebrow raised dubiously. "The man who took ten minutes to explain that he came to Konoha to destroy it and take Naruto? That Pain?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama, it was not what I had imagined him saying to such a challenge." Shikamaru said with a headshake. "But after he said it, he, and the rest of akatsuki, disappeared in a burst of chakra smoke. Having the trackers analyze the area, we came to the conclusion that the smoke was due to a high chakra burst, part of a reverse summoning. Taking that approach due to the lack of physical evidence and trails to and from the spot where Akatsuki had been standing, my team took the liberty of searching around Konoha to a distance of 20 miles, making sure that it wasn't a ploy to lure us away from the village, and destroy it while we weren't there to protect it."

The hidden message was made plain to all those who could listen for it. That is to say, all but the lightly snoring Naruto in the corner, who had taken the occasion of not being directly spoken-to to nod off and regain some of his energy.

Pinching her eyebrows the bridge of her nose at the familiar disrespect of the blond Uzumaki, the Senju motioned for Shikamaru to continue his tail.

"Despite our efforts and various areas of expertise and methods of tracking, we couldn't find the Akatsuki anywhere near the walls of Konoha." Shikamaru said with resignation.

Tsunade sighed, shoulders loosening a little as she did so. "While I am unhappy that you were unable to determine Akatsuki's bearing or present location, I am glad that neither took them anywhere near our village. As it stands, I'll be moving the village down to yellow alert, and sending out regular ANBU patrols to prevent them from getting this close to our village in the future." Getting up from her desk, Tsunade motioned to Sakura, who promptly pummeled Naruto back to consciousness, allowing him to hear the end of the debriefing. "As it stands, all of you can stand down, and resume your ordinary duties during yellow alert." Casting an eye over at the chubby Akimichi, she continued in a softer tone. "I believe you have a party to attend?"

A smile appeared on the faces of the 12, those that were visible anyway. Tsunade dismissed them and they left the tower, each departing for their own abode to get ready for a delayed celebration.

**:Line Break:**

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" the assembled shouted, presenting a cake that had taken an Akimichi master chef three days to properly bake and decorate, such was it's breadth.

"18!" The ecstatic young clan heir shouted to the roaring voices of his friends and family and his friends families. All had been invited to see the Clan heir reach his age of majority.

"Make a wish, Chouji-kun." Ino said from beside her teammate, before the young Akimichi blew out all of the candles dotting the massive cake, eliciting another cheer from his audience.

The cake had finally been presented after three hours of feasting and dialogue amongst the guests. The Akimichi buffet was staggering in it's complexity and range of dishes, enough to serve all of those invited twice over.

The cake itself was quickly divvied out and devoured by the Akimichi clan, slightly less quickly devoured by everyone else. Then the first call was out from the audience once again.

"Presents!" Someone shouted along the grandiose table that seated 50 guests. The call was met with a cheer as Chouza laughed beside his son and darling wife.

"Presents it is!" Chouji said to cheers, several of his clansmen already going to get the first in the staggering pile of presents gifted to the lucky teen.

The presents were called out over the next 15 minutes, varying greatly in worth and meaning. Several merchants had gifted the Akimichi heir with gold, and exotic gifts from far off lands. Several clansmen had gifted him with free 'All-you-can-eat' certificates to their restaurants (generally to the cries of "I'm ruined!" much to the amusement of all). The the 12 each got him something special. Naruto had gotten him a specialized set of chopsticks, studded with two precious gems, cast in precious metal, and carved with kanji. Ino had gotten him a new breastplate to wear into battle. Shika had gotten him a book of foreign cuisine. And so on and so forth it went until the gifts had dwindled into nothing, at which point the heir stood.

"Thank you all for your wonderful gifts, and your wonderful presence." Laughter ensued at the double entendre. "I'll be sure to speak with each of you before you leave, and feel free to stick around, I own the place now!" Laughter came again, even more so when Chouza cried out "Not yet, pint-size!"

"There's one last gift to give!" Chouza said once the laughter had die down a bit.

"You see I have here a letter." He said, hoisting a piece of paper into the air.

"Who's it from?" came a shout from down the table.

"This letter comes from the office of the Hokage!" Chouza said smugly, eliciting 'Ooh's' from the enraptured audience.

"You see three weeks ago, I spoke to the Hokage about my son and the heir of the Akimichi clan. We discussed, how much he has grown, both as a person and as a ninja. We spoke of how the boy that was barely this high only yesteryear now was capable and deserving of the respect of his fellow ninja, of any rank. And we spoke of how Chouji, my son, would one day soon be my successor." He finished looking down at his son lovingly, an embarrassed smile adorning the Akimichi heirs face.

"SO, in response to his actions, both today and in the past on missions, the Hokage has sent me this letter." Chouza said, before peeling open the letter, and reading it aloud. "'By the power vested in me, by the seat of Hokage of Konohagakure, I do hereby promote Chouji Akimichi, son of Chouza Akimichi, to the rank of Jonin, in recognition of his unwavering loyalty, his unflinching duty, and his excellence in action. From this day forth, may he carry his rank well, and serve his village with pride."

Chouji's eyes watered, so overcome with emotion that he barely noticed the hollering guests. He stood and embraced his father and mother, with a great bearhug.

"I love you two!" He said aloud, with a bit of a sob that no one would mention. "I love you so much."

"And we, you, son." Chouji's mother said, hugging her emotional son right back. Many a teary eye looked on with happiness for the young heir, so openly loving of his parents. And one set of teary cerulean eyes looked with a bit of melancholy, and perhaps jealousy.

**:Line Break:**

The party had been winding down for a few hours; the only people remaining were two clusters sitting on opposite ends of the great table consisting of the Rookie 12 at one end, and their parents at the other, and the servers steadily cleaning up the evenings mess.

"Jonin, man, can you believe it?" said the Inuzuka, before turning to his canine companion. "Guess this means that we are gonna catch all kinds of hell from mom, ehh Akamaru?"

"I-It's not t-that bad, K-Kiba-kun." Hinata said with surprising fluidity.

"It is more appropriate to show happiness for the person who did receive a marvelous gift than to wallow about why one did not receive one oneself." The artist at the table said with sagely insight. "That's what my books all say."

"Don't worry about it Kiba, we'll all get up to jonin soon!" Chouji said in a loud, cheerful tone of voice. "I mean, do you remember when we were all genin? That was so long ago, and look at how far we've all come!"

Unknowingly, the kind words of the Akimichi drove a stake into the dejected heart of one of his closest friends.

Catching the eye of Hinata, herself paying attention to the downtrodden look of the Uzumaki, her genius cousin turned the conversation. "And we all have a great distance yet to go, and many goals to achieve yet."

"I've yet to find a way to get my mother to let me sleep in. And I've been working on that. For years." Shikamaru said, prompting Ino to bop him on the shoulder.

"Why do you have such lazy goals? You should try harder for things! Like my goal is to breed a species of purple roses." Ino said, berating her teammate.

"I want to find the one weapon that I am perfect with." Spoke the voice of the bun-haired resident weapons mistress.

A shaking fist rose into the air "I want to prove that one does not need the power of chakra to become a ninja, but the power of YOUTH!"

"N-Neji-neesan and I have y-yet to break-k the s-s-seal dividing our c-clan." Hinata said modestly, sneaking a look at Naruto to see if the change in conversation was making him feel any better.

Settling into a pattern, the group turned to Shino. "I have yet to improve my Allies, and myself, to a status that I consider satisfactorily productive as my own status as clan heir demands."

Then Kiba. "I wanna get me and Akamaru up to S-rank!"

Sai next. "I wish to fully understand the human condition."

Then Naruto. "You guys all know what I want. To become the greatest Hokage ever!"

At last, the circle came to Sakura who merely shook her head. "I don't know about you guys, but I just want to make it up to Jonin for now. I mean, I'm the student of a _sannin_. If I stick around at chunin any longer it's just going to seem pathetic."

That was the final straw for Naruto, his eyes falling down to his own chest, devoid of a chunin vest. Looking up he shook his head and put on a smile.

"Yeah guys, I'm gonna go ahead and turn in!" He said, getting up from the table, offering an explanation for his sudden desire to leave. "That mission today sure took it outta me!"

Naruto glanced around the table, pointedly ignoring Sakura. "Happy birthday, Chouji! I'll see all you guys tomorrow."

Turning around without another word, Naruto left the restaurant, shoving his hands into his pockets to keep cool in the cool night.

When Naruto had gone far enough away, Neji turned around to Sakura to begin ridiculing her on her words. Unfortunately, any pearls of wisdom that he could have bestowed were interrupted and summarily derailed by the voice of a loud woman echoing down from the other end of the table.

"I remember when she was only this big, and she had the strangest looking belly button. Her father and I kept on consulting the doctor about it because of how unusual it was, we kept thinking something was wrong with her. Oh when did she get so big?" She said with an emotional sob spilling a bit of the sake in her saucer. The woman sitting beside her pink haired husband was none other than the mother of one Sakura Haruno.

"All children have to grow up at some point." The Akimichi matron said with a smile, leaning into her husband. "We are just lucky that our son grew into such a fine young man."

"I remember," said the Haruno matron, voice slurred by the sake, the same beverage forbidden to any and all ninja while the village was on yellow alert. "When she was only three years old and I took her to the market with me to get some groceries. She was getting so hungry because I was talking to one of the vendors about the radishes. She went by the side of the road, and started eating some wild berries. When I found her, I didn't know what she had done, and with my shopping done I went home. Well, later on that night, after dinner, Sakura comes running into my room and jumping up into my bed, saying that there was something making scary noises in her room and asking if she could sleep with us for the night."

Sniggering into her glass, the mother of the increasingly frantic chunin continued her narrative. " well, wouldn't you know it, those berries were actually a mild poison, used as a weak laxative. So when I woke up two hours after my chibi-Sakura had climbed up into my bed, I found something wet on my leg. I woke up my husband, thinking that we'd only have to change the sheets at that point. Sakura at the time was such a terrible bed wetter. It seemed every one or two days I'd have to do more laundry just for all the urinated sheets. And so that's what I'm expecting, just something small like that. So I wake up my husband and that's when the smell hits me."

Sakura stares down at her mother, who continues to embarrass her in front of all of her friends and colleagues, with hands clenched in rage. She is so furious with her mom that she wants to get up and just punch her until she stopped, but she is too embarrassed to even move.

"It's like," Haruno pauses for a moment, searching for the proper terminology, or reference. "Like all of the diapers, that I threw out when she was smaller all came back to haunt me, all at once. And I threw off the sheets, and I knew we were going to have to get a new mattress."

Mebuki Haruno sniggered a bit, accompanied by the knowing looks of the other parents. "Oh kami," She said after calming down a bit, in a voice to quiet to be followed by the eavesdropping teenagers at the other end of the table. "Why couldn't it always be stories like that?"

Oblivious to her mothers matronly worries, Sakura chose that moment to stalk out of the restaurant, not waiting even to say goodbye to her friends to spare herself further indignity.

Shino turned away from the swiftly departing chunin, towards the friends rapidly dwindling in number still seated around the table.

"That escalated quickly."

**:Line Break:**

It was close to midnight as Sakura stalked down the deserted path that led to the Shinobi Academy. Still fuming silently about her mother being completely embarrassing; almost to the point that she thought that she would never be able to face her friends or her superiors again.

'Sometimes, she just makes me so mad.' Sakura fumed, lashing out and obliterating a nearby tree with her enhanced strength.

'No, I need to stop lashing out. I need to cool down, and think about everything rationally.' Sakura berated herself mentally. 'Everything is going to be fine. Everything will be fine. It's not like virtually every single person in charge of every single shinobi division with the sole exception of my immediate boss was there to hear the single most embarrassing story of my ENTIRE life, and giggled along with it, because why wouldn't they?'

Ceasing her mental ramblings, Sakura lashed out again, eviscerating another tree with a wild punch and a shout of "SHANNARO!"

Arriving at the Shinobi Academy that she had attended so long ago, not the same building of course, that one was destroyed, but the new one.

Set up in the shade of the Hokage monument, this Academy was actually slightly smaller than the original, as there were plans to build a more permanent facility once the threat of war passed. But in the meantime, the facility was perfectly able to handle the present level of students, even coming complete with a playground where those students could either frolic, or practice their own jutsu and skills.

It was into that fenced in playground that Sakura stalked, unobserving of the person who already occupied it.

"Hey, Sakura-chan," Came the faux cheerful voice. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"And why wouldn't I be here?" Sakura snapped.

"Well uhh," Naruto said, stumbling over his words in the face of her sudden assault. "I'm not saying you _shouldn't_ be here, just I wasn't expecting you to be here."

"Maybe I come here every night?" The kunoichi challenged. "What is it to you?"

"You don't come here every night, Sakura-chan." Naruto said confidently. "I'm here every night, and I don't see you."

"Why are you here every night? Why don't you go to bed like a normal person?" Sakura said scathingly, angry that he had called her out on her bluff.

"…Because I'm not normal." The blond said in a quiet voice. "I only need two or three hours a night to sleep. Any more than that is just because I'm bored and there's nothing else to do."

"Oh right, of course." Sakura said, mentally supplying 'Kyuubi.'

"So, what's the matter?" Naruto asked from his seat on the swing.

"UGH, it's my parents." Sakura said with a grown, taking a seat beside him. "Sometimes I envy you. Not having to deal with them or their embarrassing stories would be such a gift. You're lucky."

Naruto almost choked on his tongue at that. "Lucky?"

"Yeah." Sakura said wistfully, ignorant or uncaring of her teammate's emotions. "So, what do you think about Chouji? Crazy, huh?"

"I kinda wish it was me getting the promotion. But I am happy for him." Naruto said with not often seen maturity. "He does deserve it."

"I wish it was me, too. Staying at such a low rank is starting to seem insulting." Sakura said idly, repeating her earlier point.

Ignoring the fresh barb, Naruto stayed optimistic. "You're lucky that you got up to chunin level at least. Here I am, only heading out on big missions because I'm the only person that can deal with enemy heavy hitters like that stupid resurrected Pein, and I'm still a genin! The rest of my missions are all about trying to recapture Tora!"

Sakura bobbed here head, in acknowledgement of his point. "Well you've gotta grow up Naruto. Otherwise Lady Tsunade is going to keep passing you over for promotion."

The genin ninja scowled at the oft brought up point. "I have grown up, but it seems like sometimes there's no one there to see it."

Adopting a questioning look Sakura asked, "Then why did you say something stupid to the Akatsuki today, like 'Wanna Fight?"

"It's because he broke his promise!" Naruto said with a snarl. "When he died so that Konoha could live again, he made a sacrifice, to honor the dead, to restore the balance, and to put the fate of the world into my hands. When he died, it was up to me, the student of prophecy, to lead the world into an era of peace. And now he's back. Did I do something wrong? Have the gods themselves decided that I shouldn't be the one to change the world? Or, more likely, was he just another one of Orochimaru's or Tobi's perverted tricks made to make me doubt myself, and that were only here to bring more death and destruction."

Finishing, Sakura was silent in the wake of Naruto's pent up speech.

"I'm glad to see that you have such a high opinion of me." A deep voice echoed around the playground.

Eyes went wide as both Konohagakure ninja flashed to their feet to face off against the most mysterious member of the infamous Akatsuki.

"I heard you were looking for me earlier?" The man known as Tobi asked, tilting his orange mask adorned face in the way reminiscent of a child asking 'why?'.

A great roaring came from around him as several of Naruto's shadow clones popped into existence and immediately created several Rasengan.

Charging forward in sequence, the clones passed through the masked man one by one. Each was summarily dispelled as the Akatsuki nin lashed out at the back of each clones head.

Midway through dispelling the last clone, a heel caught him on the shoulder knocking him flat into a crater made by the force of the kick.

It took a moment for the dust to settle as Sakura prepared to look down at a mortally wounded nin in smug satisfaction.

"SAKURA!" Shouted Naruto, still standing back by the swing set with his eyes closed.

The warning came too late, as a black fist rose from the dust and smote her across the cheek, sending her rocketing back towards the swing set, and Naruto.

Reaching out an empty hand towards the flying form of his friend, Naruto pushed the chakra out of his hand, extending it and using it to slow, and then stop the momentum of Sakura.

Looking back towards Tobi, the missing nin could make out the orange eyelids, and yellow bar pupils staring back at him.

"Ahh, so this is the legendary Sage Mode that you used to defeat Pein. I'd be interested in hearing how you did that one day." Tobi said, paying apparently no attention to the nin he had been fighting. "But today is _special_! Today I've come to give you a gift!"

"Bastard!" Naruto ground out between clenched teeth. "I don't want anything from you!"

"Fine then, if you want to be spoiled," Tobi said in a mocking tone, befitting more of a lecturing teacher than a genocidal mass murderer. "I shall have to give it to the lady."

Sakura stumbled to her feet. "What?" She asked through her daze, still a bit fuzzy after taking a monstrous hit from the shrouded ninja. "What are you talking about?"

"To be the first of many to experience my own brand of perfection," He said grandly throwing his arms out to the side. "To have every wish come true, to live in a world without war, that is my gift."

"What?" Sakura said, the formation of a concussion beginning to be fought as Sakura brought a green glowing hand to her head.

"I'll give you a world, where you are known for your strength, and ferocity in battle. A place where there are hallmarks to your ideals in almost every country. I'll grant you a place where you are strong enough to keep the young Uchiha by your side. I will bequeath to you, a place where your parents will never embarrass you ever again.

Sakura knew it was a bad idea. She knew deep down that trusting a man like him would only lead her to bad decisions. She knew that she should say something to refute him, or his offer. But he made it sound so good.

She didn't say a word.

She didn't move.

Tobi knew he had her.

'Damn concussion!' She cursed to herself.

"I do hope you enjoy your new residence to your fullest. Remember to tip your reality warper on the way out!" Tobi said before throwing an orb into the air.

Despite it being such a rookie mistake, both Sakura's and Naruto's eyes followed its path, the crimson hue of it standing out even in the darkness.

Reaching its zenith, the crimson orb framed the moon. The moonlight brought out the finer details that even shinobi eyes couldn't see at this time of night. Smooth groove marks where an artist's touch had detailed it, the true color of the orb aligning more with that of blood than an ordinary red, and most importantly, the three Uchiha-like tomoe that now stared down at Naruto and Sakura.

"Limited Tsukyomi!" The grand and dark voice of the masked man rang out echoing around the park.

In a flash of red light, Naruto and Sakura disappeared from the world.

Where they had stood though, was far from empty

The crimson orb clattered to the ground in between the two people who had taken the young ninja's places.

Where Sakura had stood now stood another woman with pink hair. The hair had been cut short, bare inches from the scalp. Where once had been a pretty but function red vest and skirt now were a plain white undershirt, with long, plain black pants. Over both stood a dark red leather duster, the bottom catching in the night breeze.

To the left of the woman who had replaced Tsunade's apprentice, stood the man who had replaced Naruto. Where once a crime to all fashion orange jumpsuit resided, now existed a dark grey blue robe, complete a pure white fur collar. Over the robe was a similarly fur lined grey-blue cape. Obscuring his face, but not the yellow-blond hair that stuck up behind it, was a white and red kitsune mask. On his feet and hands stood a matching set of brown leather gloves, bracers, shin guards, and sandals.

Tobi looked from right to left, left to right, and uttered a single phrase that would come back to haunt him over the next month.

"Huh…that was unexpected."

**:Line Break:**

**AN**

Sorry about not updating my main stories. Everythings been kinda hectic for me, and I'm really trying to pump them out and get a job at the same time, so I can keep writing.

I have this and a million other little stories and one shots that are cooking but not quite ready, as I am constantly on and then immediately off for when my muse comes to visit and then gets shut up by a phone ringing and telling me I am not good enough for janitorial work.

Anyway, hope you enjoy this, How the Road should have gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: If I wanted to own Naruto, I would first breed a genetically engineered race of super monsters, who disguise themselves as humans. These Humans would then commit robberies all over the world. Then with the ill gotten gains from those robberies, those monsters would then place like a million bets on different lotteries, ensuring that they would win at least one, possibly several. After those monsters gift me the proceeds, I will buy the majority share in Naruto.

No plan less ridiculous or convoluted than that is worthy of owning Naruto.

**:Line Break:**

Naruto felt like a ramen noodle being slurped into an eager mouth. His feet tumbled about while pressure on his head seemed to mount and mount until it felt like it was going to explode. The red flash that had started this inside the washing machine experience gave way to a veritable cornucopia of color. Wind roared in his ears and his skin felt like it was on fire one moment and then frozen the next.

After what seemed to be an eternity, the world that Naruto perceived righted itself.

The first thing that Naruto saw was the moon, glowing lustrously in a night sky bereft of clouds. The stars were next, twinkling innocently despite Naruto's violent upheaval.

Looking down at his more immediate area, Naruto next saw the trees, wild and tall, surrounding the clearing that he found himself in.

Sakura, across that field, is what he saw next. Looking about just as he was, and looking upset about her journey as well.

Then Naruto looked down at the field around them.

Throughout the field were impact craters of varying size and make.

One crater ran the entire length of the field, like something had hit the ground whilst flying through the air at a parallel velocity.

Another was short and round, edges glassy, like some intense heat had scorched it.

All in all, it looked like a battlefield.

Looking back up at Sakura, he could see her beautiful green eyes staring back at him. He was about to speak up, to the effect of "What the hell is going on?" But then his eyes started tracking movement in the woods behind the pink haired kunoichi.

Before he could shout out a warning, three figures blurred through the air, landing beside Sakura.

Standing up from their crouched positions, the figures made themselves known.

Beside Sakura stood assembled the members of Team 10.

Chouji Akimichi stood at the forefront, his armor gleaming in the moonlight; to his right stood Shikamaru Nara, his tan clothes messy with food stains, and generally unkempt. On the left wing of the team stood the only female member, Ino Yamanaka, clad in a concealing gray full body jumpsuit.

"Thank kami you're here!" Sakura said, shoulders relaxing slightly.

"Don't worry, Sakura-chan," Chouji said, in a voice surprisingly deep and mature. "We'll take it from here."

Sakura nodded acceptance as Ino and Shika began pulling out kunai. Turning to look at Naruto, Chouji spoke again.

"Traitor to the village, stand down now, and we may yet show you mercy!" He shouted, his voice echoing loudly around the pockmarked field.

Naruto stood, staring blankly back at his friends, unsure if they had said what they said. "What's going on now?"

"Don't make it any harder on yourself," Chouji shouted again, taking an aggressive step forward. "You can see that you are outmatched! Come quietly, or there'll be trouble!"

Naruto squinted his eyes, taking a look around the clearing again, even looking behind them to see who they were talking to. After doing this, he simply pointed a finger at himself, question obvious.

"Of course I am speaking to YOU!" Chouji shouted, maturity being trickled away by mounting rage. "And if you do not stand DOWN, we will be forced to fight!"

"Chouji, what are you talking about? Why do you wanna fight?" Naruto asked, royally confused about what was going on.

"That's it, take him!" Chouji said with authority. Ino shifted her hands into an unusual seal, that Naruto could have sworn he recognized.

"Shintenshin no Jutsu!" Ino cried, a small wave of force pushing forward from her hands.

It took Naruto a moment to remember what it was that that technique did, and by then it was already too late.

Ino's body fell to the ground at the same time as Naruto's.

"What the HELL are you guys doing?" Sakura shouted at the two still conscious ninja.

Chouji frowned at her outburst. "We are doing what we are supposed to do, both as a team of Konoha, and as your friends. We promised to you that one day we would bring him in, or take him down, and that is exactly what we plan to do."

"Yeah," Shikamaru said loudly. "So either way we're still keeping our promise!"

Ignoring Shikamaru, Sakura focused on the man promising to beat or kill Naruto. "What are you saying? He's our friend!"

Chouji's frown became even harsher as he turned his back on Naruto's fallen body for a moment. "I don't believe this Sakura. You know what he did to all of us. He turned his back on me, on you, on all of us, and on Konoha! He might have been our friend, and maybe he might be again someday, spirits willing, but today he is our opponent, and we will treat him as such!"

"YAAAAAAAA" Ino screamed, sitting up immediately, and vomiting over the bottom of her jumpsuit and her sandals.

"Ino!" Shika cried, rushing to her side. "Ino, what happened?"

Wiping her vomit with the corner of her sleeve, Ino spoke in hushed tones. "I-It was-s dark, and it w-was wet. It felt ju-ust sick, and wr-wrong! A-and then t-there was rain, l-like it w-was acid. I l-looked up…."

"Yes," Chouji said, imploringly. "And then what happened."

Ino's eyes were wide with fright. "I s-saw a b-beast! I s-saw the K-Kyuubi!"

Pointing accusingly at Naruto, who had since regained his feet, and was rubbing his forehead furiously to stem off the approaching headache, Ino shouted. "HE'S GOT THE KYUUBI!"

Naruto paused in his rubbing, looking up at his friends. "Well, yeah. I thought everybody knew that."

Chouji paled considerably as Ino clutched onto Shikamaru's sleeve. Turning to his companions, Chouji whispered hoarsely. "Shika, did you send for the reinforcements?"

Shika gave a single nod. "Before we left, didn't see the point of it then, though."

"Good," the ashen faced Akimichi said. "Then we only have to stall him."

" Stall him? What are you all talking about? It's Naruto! He's on our side!" Sakura said, with virtually no-one listening.

"Naruto?" Chouji muttered to himself, before shaking it off, getting into a squatting combat stance. "Ready, team?"

A pair of grunts met his reply, and team 10 took off for their blond target.

**:Line Break:**

Footsteps pounded over wooden floorboards, racing through a modest home in the dark of the night.

The footsteps stopped, outside of a silhouetted door, light creeping out through the cracks.

A polite knock rapped on the wooden frame of the door.

"Come in Anko-chan." The voice from beyond the door said.

The door slid open, illuminating a beautiful young kunoichi, wearing a rather practical dress, dark green in color, and going down to the womans ankles. Her hair was done professionally into a bun, and held there with a pair of looked like chopsticks. Her sandals clacked over the wooden floor of the well light study that she had scurried into. Stopping before a large desk, Anko Mitarashi bowed quickly.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company at this hour?" The voice spoke, partly amused, and partly concerned at the sudden appearance of one of the villages most respected kunoichi.

"Hokage-sama, we have initial reports of an S-ranked criminal in Konoha." Anko said, before adding quietly, "It's the Uzumaki, sir."

The soft sounds of the brush on paper stopped. The robed figure seated at the elaborate desk looked up to make sure they had heard correctly. "Uzumaki?"

"Yes, sir." Anko said with a nod. "Sakura Haruno is already on the scene, and your apprentice has already left with a detachment of ANBU, in response to a distress call."

"The ANBU won't be enough to stop him." The regal figure growled, standing up and casting off the robe to reveal a black combat suit underneath. Reaching into the drawers of the desk, the Hokage pulled out pouches of kunai, shuriken and scrolls. Leaping to the door, the Hokage pulled down the long, thin blade that there resided. Putting the ninjato in a sheath on his back, the Hokage turned to his subordinate.

"Get everyone you can, and get them there, Now!" He said, yellow eyes reflecting the flames that illuminated the room

**:Line Break:**

It had been the better part of two weeks since Naruto tried to practice Dodge'em, a game from his childhood days with the dead lasts. The gist of the game was that Shikamaru would sit down, as he was want to do, and the rest of the dead lasts would try to dodge his shadow. It was good practice for Shika's endurance, chakra capacity, and his familiarity with his shadow techniques. And it was good training for the rest of the Dead Lasts, as it provided them a fun and competitive way to test out their speed, flexibility, and dodging ability.

As the years wore on, practicing against Shika became harder and harder. Sometimes his shadow would leap into three dimensions to knock you off your feet. Sometimes his shadow would splinter and it would be almost impossible to dodge.

That being said, amongst the Dead Lasts, Naruto still held the record for the ability to dodge for the longest. A testament to his nigh unnatural endurance.

What he was doing now though, seemed to be playing that same game, with his 18 year old self, and playing against a 10 year old Shika.

His moves were sloppy and predictable. He didn't take advantage of any openings that Naruto gave him. And worst of all is that he never varied from his original shadow possession technique.

Naruto dodged another elongated shadow with ease, the bright moonlight only easing his battle against his friend.

Ino fared no better in her attempts to ensnare Naruto. Her rigidity in using the same ninjutsu technique made Naruto's time dodging her incredibly easy, like dodging a kunai thrown by an academy student.

Yes, Ino and Shika were either getting extremely sloppy in their training, or Naruto would eat his own sandal.

Chouji, though, was another story.

A flaming fist fell to the earth with the same force of a meteor. The ground cracked and turned to glass under it's impact, and many shadow clones were either thrown back and away from the doom fist, or popped entirely.

Silvery blue wings extended from chouji's back as he worked to keep Naruto on the defensive. Giant fists and legs blurred into the ground, often surrounded by either red or blue flames, and occasionally armored in large plates of condensed earth, to prevent the clones climbing his arms and damaging his best weapons.

Naruto sweat in the intense heat generated by the fiery fists of Chouji, and the exertion of pulling out more and more shadow clones to distract his confused allies.

Sakura stood at the edge of the clearing, screaming at the members of team 10 to stop their fighting.

In the meanwhile, however, someone had started throwing kunai.

Naruto felt one slice through part of his beloved orange jumpsuit and cut lightly into the skin of his back.

His eyes went wide as he realized that his friends weren't just aiming to knock him unconscious, or even to maim. They were aiming to _kill_.

'This is getting serious,' Naruto thought to himself, looking at the glint in his friends eyes that with his previous revelation seemed positively murderous. 'I better get serious, too.'

And with that thought, all of the clones that were previously being used as a distraction turned on their attackers.

Shika and Ino were almost immediately mobbed and beaten unconscious. Chouji put up a wall ef earth, which then detonated outward, the hardened earth used as shrapnel, dispelling clones en masse.

Seeing his companions go down, Chouji turned to the crowd of Naruto's with an inhuman roar.

His arms magnified in size many times over, Chouji slowly began to walk towards the crowd of clones. He began swinging his arms back and forth, like a ridiculously proportioned ape. Each swing of his arms dispelled clones by the dozen, flinging them about like ragdolls. Chouji saw Naruto sit down amidst the crowd of his clones, and he began to spin like a top, his oversized arm stretching out like fleshy battering rams. Clones were flung helter skelter and soon only Naruto and Chouji were still in the fight.

Chouji grabbed the unmoving Naruto in one of his giant hands, holding him in place, as his other arm raised into the air, intent on delivering the final blow of this fight now.

The mob of clones though had already served their purpose, and Naruto's eyes opened in yellow bar slits.

Pushing up on Chouji's oversized hand, Naruto slipped underneath his hand, the second fist coming down were his head had scant mili-seconds before vacated.

Quickly crunching up to a crouched state, Naruto grabbed the rapidly deflating arm of the Akimichi air, using chakra to enhance his grip, and he delivered a single solid blow to Chouji's jaw.

The Akimichi was sent tumbling, the butterfly wings that marked one of his families most prized jutsu dissipating in the night air as he rolled to a stop, unconscious in one of the craters lining the field.

"Naruto!" Sakura shouted, stomping over to him. "What the hell did you do that for? You should have talked to them you Moron!"

"We tried talking, Sakura-chan." Naruto said, almost too exhausted to contradict her at this point. "But they kept saying nonsense. They just wanted to fight."

"I think someone placed them under a genjutsu." Sakura said after a moment, agreeing with Naruto's statement, but not admitting such out loud. "Maybe it was that masked guy, Tobi?"

Naruto's eyebrows scrunched together, as he made an exaggerated effort to think. "Where is he anyway? All I can remember is him tossing that red ball, and then saying something, and I was here."

"Idiot." Sakura muttered, more out of habit than spite. "He said 'Limited Tsukuyomi'."

Taking a moment to think, Sakura remembered where she had heard it before. "That's it!" She said with a snap of her fingers. "Tsukuyomi is described as the ultimate genjutsu, only usable to Uchiha that have the Mangekyo Sharingan, it is supposed to be inescapable, and generally used for torture or interrogation."

Naruto flopped his head to the side, for all the world looking like a curious puppy. "I didn't know that. Where did you hear about it?"

Sakura put her hands on her hips and smiled smugly at Naruto. "It was in the briefing that we had before we went to hunt SASUKE, remember?"

"If there's one thing I hate," said a new voice, filled with tightly controlled rage as another person walked into the clearing. He stood at a lean 5'9, slick black hair kept neatly in a short haircut, dark hair framing his face via a set of bangs. He was clothed in a short, dark blue jacket, long black pants, a plain white t-shirt, and matching black gloves and shoes. He was handsome, well kept, and stylish.

By far though, the most distinctive thing about his figure, other than it's familiarity to the assembled, was the red Sharingan eyes blazing behind a set of fashionable reading glasses.

"It's people talking about me when I'm not there" said the Infamous Sasuke Uchiha.

**:Line Break:**

Tobi stared incredulously at the new arrivals, his confusion at their appearance shrouded by his orange mask.

Within the first four seconds of arrival, the blue-grey clad blonde had looked around, took alarmed note of the woman next to him, formed a fast seal with his hands and immediately disappeared.

Meanwhile, the pink haired woman yelled at Tobi.

"HEY YOU!" She yelled, throwing her head forward and stalking towards the orange masked man.

"WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA? I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT WITH THAT NO-GOOD, ROTTEN, DIRTY, DROOLING, HIGH-AND-MIGHTY, SELFISH, CRUEL, SPOON-SHOVED-SO-FAR-UP-HIS-ASS-THAT-HE-CAN-EAT-WIT H-IT, SADISTIC, EMO BASTARD, AND YOU KIDNAP ME?" The woman continued to shout, throwing her arms about in her rage causing Tobi's eye to drift a little below her neck, where interesting things were happening with her anatomy. "THAT'S IT ISN'T IT? YOU JUST WANT TO DO PERVERTED THINGS WITH ME? YOU SAW MY HAIR AND NOW YOU JUST WANT TO GET ALL UP INSIDE ME? WELL COME ON THEN! WE'LL HAVE A GAME OF IT, ASSHOLE! WHOEVER SHOVES SOMETHING INSIDE THE OTHER FIRST WINS! AND I AM GONNA STICK MY FIST SO FAR UP YOUR DICK HOLE THAT I'M GONNA BE TICKLING YOUR PROSTATE WHILE I USE YOU FOR MY BITCH PUPPET!"

Blue light sprang from the ground in a circle around the red clad woman, etching into the eath and stone a series of kanji, with four long arrows all pointing to the faux Sakura in the middle of the circle, and four offset arrows pointing out of the circle.

The effect of the large seal array on the ground was seen immediately, as the earth caved in on the inside of the circle, and the pink haired ninja was laid low, completely prostate on the bottom of the seal, which now resembled more of a well.

Picking that moment to fade into view the blue-grey robed man twisted his neck to the side, the loud crack emanating over the now silent park.

"Thanks for the distraction," The man spoke in a low, raspy voice. "You have no idea how long she would have kept going."

"I think she was running out of words by the end." Tobi said matter-of-factly.

The man with the kitsune mask sighed, and shook his head. "It REALLY wouldn't have stopped her. Trust me on this."

Tobi nodded acceptance and ventured to change the topic. "So, who are you?"

"No-one of consequence." The other man quipped, walking around the outside of the hole in the ground, looking at the rim.

The orange masked man rubbed the back of his neck in an embarrassed gesture. "See, I kinda have to know for this thing I'm doing…"

"Get used to disappointment." The robed man said, brushing his cape aside as he bent down to inspect part of the seal.

"Then by your choice shall your doom be!" Tobi growled, attracting the attentions of the other man with a small burst of Killing Intent. Behind his mask his Sharingan moved and changed, resembling now a spinning shuriken mid-flight.

"Tsukuyomi!" He cried out, calling upon one of his Mangekyou Sharingan's most devastating abilities. The chakra in his eye crested and waned and the jutsu had been cast.

For a moment between the two masked men nothing happened. The playground was cold and silent. Then the cape clad man spoke up.

"Not the sharpest kunai of the bunch, are you?"

"W-What?" Tobi sputtered, taking a step back.

"Get that eye implanted, or do you call the 'Uchiha Elite' family?" The caped man asked, rising to his feet again.

Tobi narrowed his working eye. "I call them my family no more."

"Allow me to let you in on a little secret then." The caped man said dramatically, throwing his hands to the side. "The whole, 'ultimate illusion' thing? Only works if you have eye contact, with nothing in the way. It's one of the chief reasons I wear this." He finished, knocking on his mask.

"You know an awful lot about the Sharingan." Tobi accused, his eye narrowing again.

His accused shrugged in a nonchalant manner. "I adapt to survive. Knowledge of the Sharingan was rather imperative at some points."

The mysterious man's eyes continued to roam, everywhere but upon the other man.

"Would I be correct in assuming that since that," The Uchiha queried, pointing towards the pit, "was some foreign version of Sakura, then you are some foreign version of Naruto?"

"I don't know any Naruto's," the man said back after a slight pause. "But the failure in the pit IS named Sakura Haruno. And by your own admission of her being a 'foreign' I would have to assume that this is some form of alternate reality?"

"How did you come to that conclusion?" Tobi asked, eager to gain a glimpse into the thought process of the other masked man sharing the children's park.

"Relatively simply." The man said in response, waitinig a beat before clarifying. "That is the same Hokage Monument that I recognize from back home, but the faces upon it are different. That and the entire structure of the village has changed in seemingly instantly. Your comment of 'alternate's was the nail in the proverbial coffin. The only other conclusion I could draw would be a genjutsu, but the only person I know that's good enough for a genjutsu of this complexity would be Itachi, but even then he wouldn't get obvious things wrong, like the village set up, and he'd have to use the Mangekyou to do it, which would kinda throw off all the colors."

Half shrugging, the man continued after a short lull. "Plus, he doesn't do the whole 'deep mind-fuck' thing. He kinda just does a power wash of pain and your worst fear over and over again until it gets rather bleak and repetitive."

'He has claimed advanced knowledge of the Sharingan and its limitations, and has showed a working understanding of both. His seal work is impeccable, and he has unusual techniques. I know little about his physical capabilities, or his mental capabilities, save for that the latter are obviously above average.' Tobi thought, his lone eye scrutinizing the other man, who at that point held his left arm crossing his chest, and his right arm propping up his chin in an assumed thinking position. 'I need to establish whether or not he will be a threat.'

Inclining his head, Tobi deigned to query his 'guest' aloud. "What are your plans for Konoha?"

The hand under the kitsune mask rose slightly, a single finger stroking where the figures chin would have been. "Well, that depends upon a few things."

Tobi stood in silence while he waited for the man to elaborate.

At great length, he finally spoke up.

"First, what was the fate of Danzo Shimura?"

Tobi smirked. "He killed himself in an attempt to bring down his enemies."

The mask nodded before asking another question. "What happened to the Senju?"

"They are all but extinct." Tobi answered again, with some venom. "Giving their lives in defense of their _beloved_ village."

The man in the mask cocked his head to the side at that answer, before asking a yet another question. "What is the fate of the Uchiha?"

Tobi had a full smile hidden behind his mask. 'A sympathetic ear for the Uchiha? I'll have this upstart working for me in no time!' "The Uchiha were betrayed by one of their own number, and by the man that they had sworn their lives to, and he had sworn love and devotion to all of his subjects, the Uchiha included. They were murdered, slaughtered, by none other than the third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi!"

The kitsune masked man took a step back, seemingly reeling with shock. "The third killed the _Uchiha_?"

"Yes!" Tobi hissed, his eye narrowed as he struggled to hold maniacal glee from his tone.

"The third was Sarutobi?"

The glee left his tone a bit. "Yes."

The kitsune masked man was silent for a long moment, before a dry rasping started coming from the hollow of his throat. Then his shoulder started to shake as the rasping became louder.

"Heheheheehee." Then the blue and grey figure threw his head back and let out a full bodied laugh. "HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! AAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAA!"

Calming down, the kitsune mask stared into the single eyeslot of tobi's own mask and he said words that Tobi was certainly NOT expecting.

"Ohhh, I think I'm going to _enjoy_ this place!"

**:Line Break:**

**AN**

So that's that.

I don't know why I continue to update this. I think it's because my nerd rage over Road to ninja has been pent up for so long that it needed to metaphorically explode in Word Format.

Anyway, so here it is.

Next chapter, Hijinks ensue.

Pairings are still kind of up in the air, if there are any at all.

For questions about the fic or where it is going, or if you want it to get it's own story, please message me, or drop me a Review.

I assure you, I read them. And when you say something interesting, or ask a question, I respond.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: SHIT AINT MINE!

**:Line Break:**

Sakura and Naruto stared in shock at their long forgotten comrade and teammate the wind whistling through the space between them.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura cried out, taking a few tentative steps in his direction.

"Don't focus on me moron!" Sasuke shouted back, pointing accusingly at the orange clad nin. "Focus on him!"

"HEY! What're you talking about?!" Naruto screamed, his frustration evident in his tone. "YOU'RE the traitor!"

Sasuke reeled like he had been slapped. "W-What?! How am I the traitor, when you left the village and tried to kill the third Hokage?!"

"That's BULLSHIT!" Naruto screamed back. "And you know it is too!"

Sasuke shook his head, glistening drops sliding down his cheeks, glinting in the lustrous moonlight. "We were brothers once, Menma, to think that you have forgotten all of your ties to the village, all of your friends, and _family_… It just makes me sick."

"Yeah? Well you look sick!" Naruto shouted, before pausing. "Wait, who's Menma?"

"I'm so sick of your LIES!" Sasuke shouted either ignoring Naruto's question or attacking it. "Why can't you just fess up and admit that you're WRONG and that you NEED HELP?!"

"NO, Sasuke! You are wrong! And I will prove it to you!" The yellow haired nin shouts back.

"What can possibly be right about what you do?" Sasuke shoots right back, throwing his hands out to the sides. "Lies, deceit, betrayal, Murder? What in the whole of the Fire Nation could make you think that you are right?"

"I know that I'm a bit of a moron sometimes," Naruto began hesitantly. "But I'm pretty sure you accusing me of being a traitor and a murderer is just a little hypocritical!"

Sasuke shook his head slowly, the glasses sliding down his nose slightly as he did so. "I just don't believe this. You're twisted, I know, sick, despicable, dark, sadistic, and a veritable maniac, but I never thought you would be _insane_!"

"But all of that other stuff is ok?" Naruto asked, too confused to even bother correcting his one-time friend anymore. "Look, I have no idea what is going on, and all I do know is that those three" A finger pointed accusingly at the tumbled team ten. "you, and the masked man have all tried to fight me in the last half hour, and I am sick of it! If you want to fight, FINE, if not, let me go home!"

A silence falls across the field after the echoes fade from Naruto's shout. The three still conscious people standing stare at each other. Naruto leers at Sasuke, steady, his pulse racing but his eyes are unflinching. The Uchiha glares back at the Uzumaki, his eyes wild and accusing behind his glasses, and his stance already leaning forward, as if preparing to charge. Sakura stood somewhere in between, looking back and forth between her boys, trying to find what has gone so horribly wrong, struggling to realize what is right to do.

"Nooo, Naruto." Sasuke spits in a fevered whisper, the sound barely crossing the void between the fighters. "Not this time you son of a bitch. You are not getting away from me!"

With that last line, Sasuke whipped his hand down. "Take him down, NOW!"

A dozen men in matte armor leap from the bushes and trees surrounding the clearing. They immediately begin drawing a myriad of weapons and rush towards the lone figure in the center of it all.

Naruto stares back at the thirteen warriors, coming towards him. This is a dance that he knows well. The trappings of the previous conversation with Sasuke, and all of the worries and confusion brought up by his rival and friend from long ago fall to the wayside as he readies himself. None of that matters anymore as once again, he finds his center.

This is where he is home. In battle, more than any shitty apartment in the red light district.

As Sasuke rushed towards Naruto, the blonde haired sage with yellow eyes feels the dozen shady chakra sources rushing towards him as well. Looking to one such source, he caught a glimpse of black and grey, and a reflective blade in the moonlight.

'Three minutes fifty-two seconds,' Naruto thought to himself, dropping into the Frog Kumite stance he had learned what now seemed so long ago. 'I must be quick.'

Naruto closed his eyes, letting himself be guided by the flow of chakra that he could feel all around him.

Shifting backwards sharply, Naruto avoided the outthrust sword of one of the ANBU that had joined Sasuke, returning with a solid punch under the outthrust arm. The ANBU soared with the sage chakra enhanced force of the blow, and Naruto was given two seconds of breathing time.

Keeping his eyes closed and going by the feel of his opponent's chakra, Naruto bent in half as two swords slashed horizontally across where his torso had been a moment before. His quick hands grabbed both of the wrists holding the blades. Sliding his back foot into a better stance, he began twirling the ANBU about by the arms, using them to bat aside three more ANBU rushing him, before using his massive strength to hurl them away into the forest beyond.

The remaining ANBU slow, seeing their brethren fall quickly before the blonde maelstrom begin slowing down, electing instead to take a, wide rotating circle.

'Six ANBU left, and Sasuke' Naruto thought, eyes still closed as he concentrated. 'Two minutes thirty four seconds.'

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked of the nearest 'stalking' ANBU. "Fight!"

"Sir, he just took down half our number in the initial assault." The Cobra ANBU spoke back in a tight, agitated tone. "Intel was wrong, close quarters is fruitless."

"Uzumaki has always been shit at close quarters, how the hell could he have changed that much in a month?" Sasuke spits back, the rhetorical question obviously going unanswered by his ANBU. It had a different effect, however, on the eavesdropping blonde.

'What is he talking about, close combat was always my best area!' Naruto thought to himself, frowning hard at what he was hearing. 'It and my chakra are the two things that allow me to make the best use of most of my jutsu.'

"Sakura," Sasuke spoke, startling the pink haired girl and grabbing the attention of the still listening blonde. "We need your help to defeat him!"

"W-What?" Sakura asked, voice high and thread. In a million years (outside of a select time when she may have been in the academy) she never expected her crush to say that he NEEDED her.

"Sakura, you're the only one that can fight him on equal ground." Sasuke pleaded. "Please, snap out of whatever he has done to you!"

Sakura's cheeks lit up at that statement, and all that it might imply. "He hasn't done anything to me, Baka!"

Sasuke recoils a bit, seemingly stung by the reply, but this goes unnoticed by Naruto, who is only concentrating on the feel of each person's chakra.

"Fine." Sasuke says bitterly. "We'll do this without you."

Whipping around, Sasuke pulls up the sleeve of his right hand, revealing a long cylindrical device on his wrist. A soft thump was heard as screaming out of the cylindrical device came a horde of senbon, each tipped with malevolent poisons that glinted evilly in the stark moonlight.

They made little plinking noises as they broke against Naruto's chest.

"This is impossible…" The Uchiha whispered, before giving his head a thorough shake. "No, it isn't impossible, and it answers how you got this good in so short a time."

Cobra turned back to Sasuke, tilting his masked head. "Sir? I don't follow."

"This isn't _him_. It's a technique, a jutsu. It's the only way to explain how he is not only beating us in close quarters, but why he hasn't been attacking at range or setting up any fuuinjutsu either." Sasuke spoke rapidly. "My bet is that this jutsu allows him massive strength and limited invulnerability, and maybe some gift at sensory, too, seeing as how he hasn't opened his eyes yet. But in return it takes away his ability to use other jutsu."

'One minute, sixteen seconds.' Naruto counted down internally.

"Or am I wrong, Naruto-chan?" Sasuke said with a smirk, before turning back to his partner. "Don't engage him until he opens his eyes. Then with melee and everything you have."

'Fuck.' Naruto thought, before focusing some of the sage enhanced chakra to his legs. 'It's times like these when I REALLY hate how smart Sasuke is.'

The ANBU with an ironic frog mask that Naruto leaps towards tries to dodge, but finds the blonde ninja holding his leg. A sharp blow to the knee cripples that ninja as Naruto tracks the rest of the ANBU.

"Get away from him, DO NOT ENGAGE." Sasuke shouts as Naruto flies towards his next target.

The Rat masked ANBU is already going through the first handseal for a replacement as Naruto gets within twenty feet of him. Realizing that he would not be able to hit in time, Naruto adjusts himself in midair and hits the lip of one of the craters littering the field.

Pausing in his jutsu, the ANBU makes a fatal mistake, as the shrapnel from the lip of the crater flies towards him from Naruto's improvised kick/landing.

'Thirty seconds, four ANBU, and Sasuke.' Naruto marked, turning to his next target. A pair of ANBU who had begun breaking formation and clustering together.

"NO, SCATTER!" Sasuke screamed at the two terrified ninja. It was too late however, as Naruto was already upon them.

A single punch felled the first ANBU, turning quickly to grab the second by the throat. Naruto's hand hit only smoke and bark.

'Kawarimi.' Naruto cursed mentally, already feeling to see where the ninja had fled to.

Naruto was stuck between two gatherings of ninja; The ANBU who had teleported over to one of his masked brothers' side, and Sasuke with Cobra.

Picking up the log that had been used in the last Kawarimi, Naruto had a devious thought, worthy of the prankster king of Konoha.

Whipping around, Naruto lobbed the log at Sasuke and his partner, then leaped after the other pair.

Sasuke looked strangely at the log as he sidestepped it neatly; focusing instead on what Naruto was doing to his other two 'team' members.

At the apex of his parabolic leap, Naruto could feel the chakra of the two ninja below begin moulding into the first stage of the Kawarimi. Smirking to himself, Naruto made an all too familiar cross shape.

Twin puffs of smoke in the air beside Naruto hazed into the image of three Naruto all holding hands in what amounted to a daisy chain.

"Kage Bunshin" One of the ANBU whispered in fear and realization as his friend was downed by a Naruto flung with Sage mode enhanced strength, before he too was taken out.

'Ten seconds.' Naruto thought with a grin, turning around to face Sasuke and forming a three seal jutsu.

Sasuke's eyes widened as Naruto was replaced with a log. A snap from beside him signaled Naruto efficiently knocking out the ANBU captain, and signaled for Sasuke to duck and roll.

'Zero' Naruto reached mentally, turning his grinning, face and now blue eyes to face the rising Sasuke.

Sasuke, in turn, felt his desperation increase tenfold as Naruto's eyes stared him down.

Taking a breath that ballooned his chest out to cartoonish proportions, Sasuke expelled a vile purple mist.

Covered completely in the mist Naruto was unable to be seen for over thirty seconds.

In those thirty seconds, the only thing that could be heard were the broken cries of the wounded, and the roiling of the poisonous cloud of gasses.

"I-I did it." The Uchiha utters, shock permeating his tone.

On the thirty-first second, however, a high pitched whine screeched across the clearing. Seemingly coming from the center of the cloud, Sasuke stared at the broiling mass in the center of the maelstrom of activity.

The cloud began circling around its center point, at first slowly, but then faster, and faster. The edges of the cloud of death kicking up a fair wind even outside of it's mass, as the Uchiha's own attractive ebony locks began being sucked towards the center of the cloud.

Quickly the cloud fell in upon itself, until there was only what remained beforehand. A blonde Uzumaki, now holding a large spinning blue ball in his hand, with four white blades around it's center circling the mass slowly.

"FUUTON:" Naruto screams, charging into his outmatched opponent. "RASENGAN!"

The spinning blue ball collided with the Uchiha's chest, bowing him with the blow.

Sasuke felt the skin of his chest being slowly ripped away as he screamed shrilly with the pain of it. Hearing the cries of his once friend, Naruto ended the jutsu, causing improved Rasengan ton explode, and fling the Uchiha painfully into a copse of trees on the edge of the clearing.

The avenger faded to unconsciousness, with only one thought on his mind and lips.

"…~monster~…"

Naruto, yards upon yards away, didn't hear the accusation. Instead, he focused upon something else.

Throwing his hands up in the air, Naruto began to whoop with victory.

"I WON! WhoooooOOOOO!" Running around in circles, Naruto began punching the air in exuberance. "I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it!"

Sakura, for her part, looked a lot more pensive, as she went through everything that had occurred since seeing Toby, the orange masked man. Something screamed at her, something that shouldn't be, that didn't correspond with facts.

"Naruto," Sakura spoke slowly, grabbing the attention of the over active blonde. "I don't think you did…"

"What are you talking about, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked, head tilted childishly to the side. "I totally won. The bastard is over there, knocked out, and all we have to do is keep him like that until we can get him to Baa-chan."

"He is knocked out Naruto, but I don't think that is Sasuke."

Naruto's frown became even more pronounced. "What are you talking about Sakura-chan?"

"Think about it." Sakura said holding up a finger. "First thing, we run into that masked bastard. Next thing we know, we are in this field. Then Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji attack us, then of all people _Sasuke_ shows up, with a squad of Konoha ANBU no less, and declares you a traitor and a murderer."

Naruto is silent and Sakura takes a deep breath. "I can only come up with a few possible conclusions, but none of them look good."

"Don't worry Sakura-chan, we'll make it through anything!" Naruto reassures her loudly.

"Idiot! I haven't even told you what they are yet!" Sakura speaks with a fury, causing Naruto to go silent once more. "So, my first conclusion is that we are inside of that Tsukuyomi technique, but I don' think so."

She begins pacing as she explains further. "If we were then one of us wouldn't be real. It's a one per person technique. So my second conclusion is that we are in a different location, specifically an area under that Uchiha's control."

"How does that work Sakura-chan?" Naruto spoke quietly.

A tic appeared on Sakura's forehead at being interrupted, so she might have spoken with more force than she intended. "I was getting to that, moron!"

Naruto flinched as if struck, unnoticed by his pink haired teammate as she continued obliviously with her explanation. "I think that we got transported using that same time/space jutsu that that man uses to teleport himself and avoid our attacks. And I'm guessing that maybe that Madara, or whoever he is began performing cloning other people after he started cloning all of those Zetsu creatures. Hence all of these people are our friends, but they are not quite right. Their skill sets are different than our friends back home, and their memories are certainly different."

Silence reigned for a moment, Naruto unwilling to speak for fear of reprisal, and Sakura not wanting to utter her third idea.

It was broken by Sakura as she gave a loud sigh. "Then, realizing that to even utilize that idea, Madara would have to have a working knowledge of all of the jutsu of Konoha, as well as the time and resources to both train them and to give them some semblance of the society that would match up with their fractured memories would be simply not worth pursuing, as the clones seem to be by and large weaker than the originals."

Naruto continued to be silent, clamping down on his ever-persistent curiosity.

"So, I think that we might not be in a land we can recognize anymore." Sakura said, taking a seat on the edge of a particularly deep crater.

"Where are we then?" Naruto asked in a monotone, finally speaking up.

"That's just it, Naruto." Jade eyes met his own. "I don't know."

Silence reigned once again as Naruto tried to come to terms with that statement.

'Thinking later' he berated himself after a moment. 'Action now.'

Naruto shrugged. "Well, wherever we are, we should probably get out of here before someone else-"

"STOP RIGHT THERE!"

"Oh for the love of-" Naruto cried out circling around to face this newest group of people who most likely wanted him as dead as the previous two.

In the fading moonlight, Naruto saw a large troupe of blank ANBU masks led by a trio of figures.

On the left, a woman with purple hair in a bun with chopsticks holding it stood. Pupil-less brown eyes framed by glasses leered at him. She was dressed in a professional ankle length green dress.

'Looks kinda like crazy examiner lady, but with less naked…and crazy.' Naruto thought to himself before his eyes rolled to the right side of the column.

On the right, a woman with spiky light blue, shoulder length hair leaned with arms crossed over a not unimpressive bust. Dark eyes were set below a standard Konoha forehead protector, with the rest of her being in similarly standard dress for Konoha Jonin. She was rather bland on the whole, except for the growth of crystalline spikes emerging from her arms.

'It can't be…' Naruto thought before all reason seemed to leave him as he clasped eyes on the leader.

A plain off white Kimono marked the man in the middle. His tan skin flowing out of the sleeves in long, dexterous looking fingers. His dark haired flowed from underneath a very peculiar red and white hair, triangular hat with the kanji for 'Fire' on the top-front. A hat that Naruto, as well as anyone else in Konoha knew marked the Hokage. And from underneath that hat a pair of yellow eyes stared strongly back into Naruto's own.

"Naruto Uzumaki" The man said in a deep tone, belying both his age and size. "You have been charged with High Treason, Murder, Slavery, Attacking Konoha Shinobi, and Desertion. The punishment for only one of these crimes is death, to be enacted by the nearest available shinobi. And by my power as Fifth Hokage, and by Konoha herself, you will fall this DAY!"

Naruto stared, some little piece of himself feeling broken off from all others as he stared at the man who had proclaimed his death.

The man who claimed himself Fifth Hokage.

The man who had once, long ago, ambushed him in the Forest of Death.

Staring into the yellow, eyes of the once dead Orochimaru, Naruto could only mutter to himself in the face of all of this.

"This must be what it feels like to go insane.

**:Line Break:**

The man known as Menma finished his chuckling, casting a dark look at his fellow masked man.

"I believe I have you to thank for bringing me here?"

The masked Uchiha studied his opponent carefully as he answered. "It was my technique that brought you here."

"So no thanks necessary, then?" The blue-robed man asked sarcastically.

"I don't know who you are," the Uchiha said, ignoring the other man's jibe. "And I don't know what you want. But what I do know is that you are a gifted individual, and that this new world will be a lot friendlier to you if you were but to join me."

"Still giving that whole 'let us rule this world together' speech, huh?" Menma asked rhetorically. "Yeah, I've heard that one a few times. But, my favorite one was when this one guy, you wouldn't know him. Anyway, he came up to me and gave me the whole speech, laying out how all would be fire and brimstone, and death and destruction unless I was to join him. Pretty standard, nothing really memorable."

The Uchiha stayed silent as the blank eye slits in Menma's mask glared at him. "The thing that really made it my favorite, though, was that it took all of about thirty seconds before I was force feeding him his own liver."

"Now you seem like a nice guy." Menma continued, before giving his head a small shake. "No you don't. Actually you seem like an asshole. I'll let that slide, though. But the point I am trying to make here, is basically just to stay out of my way. I have too many plots going on right now to deal with you."

"You just got here." The Uchiha fires back. "There is no way that you could have any plots going yet."

"Yes," Menma says grudgingly. "That means I am at the point of the most labor intensive part of any plot, the beginning. And for your information, I have a plot going right now."

"Really," the Uchiha drawls back. "and what would that be? Talking me to death?"

Menma laughs sharply. "No, not quite. Try to listen for that pitter patter sound."

Tobi strained his ears for whatever he was supposed to be listening for. At the edge of his hearing, though, he heard a large mass of feet and the shouting of many raised voices.

"Konoha responds to an internal attack." Toby stated with a shrug. "Is that supposed to scare me?"

"Of course not," Menma responds with a chuckle. "But it only leaves us about a minute to talk."

"So, tell me what you know about summoning techniques." Menma demands abruptly.

"It requires a contract with the summoned creature, animal or man. Then one may summon the creature or be summoned to it instantaneously through the expenditure of chakra and blood. In so doing it transports the body or the thing to the desired location."

"It doesn't actually, to any of those things." Menma corrected with no small sense of delight. "You see, the original reason for needing a contract was so that one had something to summon, like a person or a beast of some-type or another. The contract was a constant locater and written authorization both so that the summoner could summon a worthy battle companion. And the drop of blood is simply the price set by most summons in the aforementioned contract. Not to mention that it transports both the body AND the soul."

"Of course." The Uchiha said condescendingly. "If there were no summons to summon, then what would be the point of a summoning?"

"There are many reasons to bend the laws of time and space my deluded friend." Menma scathingly replied. "To someone oneself or to banish something, for instance."

"Yes, but again, one must have a locator or sealing array where ever the object or person would need to go."

"You would imagine so, but another way of doing it is to simply state direction and distance in the design of the seal." Menma explains again. "It's a lot more work as most seals done in that style tend to take a lot more effort, chakra, and time to construct on the fly, so it's understandable that in a world governed by strength underlying scientific principle has fallen to the wayside."

"What does this have to do with anything?" The Uchiha responds suspiciously, all too aware of the growing noise of the approaching ninja host.

"Well, let's take you for example. Let's say that I wanted to transport a man sized object a 100 miles straight up." Menma says pointedly.

"It would do nothing to me." Tobi responds peevishly.

"Let me guess, because of your eyes?" Menma asks sarcastically. "No, as I said, the technique transports body AND soul. So it's all of you coming for the ride, not just the bit of mental chakra holding the image I see in front of me. The rest of you would sort of snap back here like a cheap elastic before propelling you into orbit."

Tobi starts, shocked as the strange man ousted his single most reliable technique as if it were just some charlatan's trick.

"So you would pretty much start freezing to death and suffocating in the low atmosphere before you could even teleport yourself back. If you even could at that point, having used so much of your own chakra to teleport yourself into low orbit in the first place."

"Why are you telling me all of this?"

"I know, the ninja should never reveal his techniques, but I am doing this for three reasons. The first is that you asked what my scheme was. The second is that I should get rid of you early so you don't try to bump me off later down the line, as you Uchiha seem wont to do." Menma took a sigh and stared into the lone eye-slit of the orange mask. "And because I have had an earth clone drawing that seal to draw off of both your chakra and my own to achieve that high flying result, and I needed to stall you so that it had time to finish." Menma lectures, dropping his cloak and taking off his mask. Under the mask were the familiar blue eyes and whisker marks of Konoha's resident prankster and jiinchuriki.

Tobi's eye widens as he glances down, Sharingan spinning rapidly. The crowd breaks from around the corner, led by several recent partygoers in the form of the Konoha 12.

"As for my scheme," Menma whispers so that only the Uchiha can hear. "I call this one 'Menma Saves the Day'!"

Menma runs through five seals.

Tobi tries to transport himself, tries to move, tries to do anything, but finds only that he is stuck to that spot in front of the dreaded Uzumaki.

"Gyaku Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" Menma screams as the chakra pounds out of him, banishing a screaming Uchiha from Konoha.

Collapsing in exhaustion, Menma falls to his knee's amongst several cries of "Naruto!", and "Naruto-kun!"

Caught by the large and yet quite gentle arms of an Akimichi, 'Naruto' speaks to his 'friends'.

"I am all right everyone. But, please, help Sakura-chan!"

Several of the gathered nin immediately begin attempting to take apart his beautiful seal, and already Menma felt a warm feeling growing inside of his chest.

'So this is what total victory feels like.' He thought as his world turned to darkness.

**AN**

So this is me trying to get back into writing as much as I can.

I'm sorry that I'm not writing more on my 'real' stories, but I feel that with them there is a much bigger expectation for any chapter I write, then when I put out some nonsense chapters like these.

Not to put them down, but next to Fractured Fate or Breaking the Rules, I don't think as many people know Turn and Turn About.

So Yeah.

Been busy, will try to write more/better in the future.

As always let me know your feelings/interesting thoughts for the day in the reviews below

Thanks!

10k


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Naruto is a product of Masashi Kishimoto and TV Tokyo. And boy did they fuck up this story…at least the canon of it.

**:Line Break:**

"You have no chance against us, Namikaze!" The golden eyed Hokage shouted, taking a menacing step forward.

"This can't be happening…" Naruto mumbled to himself, looking at the long dead sannin as if trying to scan for some tell-tale sign of a genjutsu.

"I say we just beat him to death." The crystal covered ninja at Orochimaru's side said with a vicious grin pulling at her blood red lips.

"Calm yourself, Guren." The kunoichi opposite her scolded. "You already know we need him alive. He is the only one who knows where the bijuu have been taken."

"Everyone SHUT UP!" Naruto shouted, too confused to think of any better way to fraise it.

Sakura flinched under the shout, before then standing stock still and staring at the seemingly resurrected 'Hokage'. Sharing Naruto's sentiments on the impossibility of it.

"Sakura," Naruto's voice said at her side. "I think we should keep going with the plan we had."

Sakura's jade eyes scanned the amassed ninja, their gear glinting devilishly in the moonlight night.

"Sakura?" Naruto's voice asked with a note of concern. Turning to look at his worried expression, Sakura gave a single nod.

'There's no way we could come out of a fight with all of them unscathed, no matter what this place has done to alter their skill levels.' She thought to herself, pushing chakra to her legs in preparation to flee.

"SIR!" A voice cried from amidst the mass of ANBU. "They're preparing to retreat!"

"Surround the clearing!" Orochimaru barked at his subordinates. "He isn't escaping us again!"

"Oh yes he is!" Naruto called out before turning, the chakra he had gathered exploding out of his legs and creating yet another crater on the field, debris falling back into the faces of the assembled horde. Sakura followed a few seconds later, trying desperately to catch up to him.

The ANBU began bounding around the circumference of the pock marked field as Sakura and Naruto beat their hasty retreat.

**:Line Break:**

"Get her into OR 2, NOW!"

Orderlies snapped to as the sheer volume of their pigtailed leaders' voice sent documents flying from their respective charts and cubby holes. The body of a young woman with pink hair was practically flying over sterile white floor, her personal craft a stretcher.

The two standouts in the crowd rushing after her were a large blonde woman, and a somewhat smaller brunette holding a very concerned looking pig.

"How long was she under that jutsu?" Asked the pig holder, voice quavering slightly.

"The experts are still trying to determine exactly what kind of seal it _is_." The blonde gave as a none-response. "Supposedly they haven't seen anything like that since Uzu…"

The pig grumbled slightly as its owner gave it a squeeze, trying to alleviate her anxiety. "What does this mean?"

Tsunade, fifth Hokage of Konohagakure turned to look fully at her apprentice. "I don't know, Shizune."

**:Line Break:**

It was almost two hours of constant running, trapping, hiding, and an unnamed number of changes in velocity before Naruto and Sakura had felt that they had gained enough distance on their false ANBU pursuers.

Sakura fell to the ground, panting with exertion as Naruto gathered Nature Chakra to get a better read on the situation.

"He can't…be here…" Sakura gasped out. "That's…impos…sible!"

"Probably not the first time that bastard has come back from the dead." Naruto said, sitting down in preparation to meditate.

"No, but," Sakura said, taking a huge gasp. "Something with Chouji, Ino, Shika, and Sasuke, that at least makes sense. *Gasp*. Stupid, but it made sense."

Getting her breathing back under control, Sakura stood up again and began stretching sore, tired limbs. "Tobi, or whatever his name is, wouldn't have allowed a creation of Orochimaru, a man who had betrayed his Akatsuki before."

Naruto was silent, continuing to gather energy.

"Unless this isn't his doing, and he just brought us here." Sakura spoke, grasping at straws. "Maybe the people here, bizarre as they are is due to someone or something else"

"Like that time Jiraiya-sensei took me to that village hidden in the Genjutsu producing trees." Naruto posited.

"Be quiet Naruto." Sakura snapped before mollifying. "But yeah, you get the idea."

Quelling any surge of anger that he might have had, Naruto resumed meditating, determined not to say a word.

Sakura continued to pace, mumbling quickly to herself. "Genjutsu makes the most sense now, either on us or on them. But it being them wouldn't explain the sudden appearance of Orochimaru, as it would everyone's belief that he is Hokage. And if Orochimaru did survive his multiple deaths, then it really isn't his style to rule over a mockery of Konoha with a smattering of his associates from Sound. Us makes more sense, but this doesn't seem like any Mangekyo induced illusion. The colors are all wrong, or at least they are supposed to be from all of the reports I've read. But maybe, since those were mostly focused on Itachi, the illusionary world differs from Uchiha to Uchiha? But even so, all Uchiha documents claimed after Sasuke left the village say that the maximum amount time can be 'warped' is 72 hours. Which means that if we are in an illusion, we only need to surf it out."

Naruto's eyelids changed to orange, signifying his ascension to sage, as Sakura continued to pace and reason.

"Unless this isn't a genjutsu at all, and this is actually a place in the world and we were transferred here through some time space loophole, like Tobi seems want of doing. Whatever he does when he fades and teleports has to be a matter of time/space manipulation, like the Second Hokage, or the Fourth used to do. But then that still brings up where we are. No one I know of would make these people just for their delight, and having it to train soldiers against is sloppy if you can't make it properly reflect Konoha as it is. So the goal is either to have a group of people who think they are in Konoha and is purposefully a twisted version of itself, or maybe it's an experiment of what would happen if Orochimaru never left the village."

Naruto wasn't paying little to no attention to Sakura as he scanned the surrounding areas looking for any trace of their pursuers.

"That makes sense! If the villages all arrayed together finally off put Toby's plans enough that he realized that he couldn't win, it's possible, however unlikely that he used his ability to manipulate space and time to shift time around himself to go back into the past and change Konoha's history so that we would never go against him, and that in turn proved to be a village where Orochimaru stayed and became the Fifth Hokage!" Sakura declared, tired realization shining in her eyes, followed by a more familiar puzzled look. "But if that is the case, why did he bring us back? To rub in our faces how we could do nothing to stop him? Or maybe he needed us in order to go back. Maybe he needed the Kyuubi's chakra in order to propel himself far enough back in time that he could change history to the extent that he did."

Naruto was finishing up his scan, unaware of Sakura's eyes roving his covered chest for his seal, as if she could somehow glean it through his jacket...

"So that does it! Either we are stuck for the next 72 hours in a fantasy of a genocidal maniac, or we are in a divergent timeline based upon the stipulation of a jutsu that physics say shouldn't exist!" Sakura finished with a shout, before going over what she had just said in her mind and collapsing against a tree. "Kami I wish I had stayed at Chouji's party. Then I wouldn't be stuck in some stupid woods at like three in the morning when the whole world seems to be trying to kill me!"

"It seems like they're mostly after me really." Naruto said mildly, giving one last check at his maximum sensing range

"Yeah whatever baka." Sakura rebutted with slumped shoulders and a toss of her pink hair. "Since apparently you haven't been able to find heads or tails of our search party while I've been doing the heavy lifting, I'm going to assume we can go..?"

"Wait," Orange stained eyelids frowned, ignoring one of her constant stream of petty insults. "I'm sensing a lot of life coming from about a mile east of here. I don't know how I didn't feel them before…"

Sakura's eyes widened. "The search party?"

"No, it'd have to be an army." Yellow eyes turned to catch jade. "Or a village."

Taking a moment to decide, pink hair bobbed in a nod. "Let's check it out.

**:Line Break:**

Beads of sweat ran over the fuuinjutsu mark in the middle of the slug sannins' forehead as she worked to rebuild the crushed bones of her student. Her healing chakra ran through each and every pulverized piece of her students' bone, stitching it back together exactly as it was.

But there was something about it that put her on the edge. Sakura's own chakra seemed to be supplying most of the power to help heal her body, even going so far as to stitch bones back together that Tsunade and her medics haven't even been working on.

'This either looks like a _really_ basterdized version of my own forbidden technique, or…' Tsunade thought absentmindedly as she remembered the one other time she had seen this kind of healing ability in a person without either bloodline or advanced medicinal knowledge.

'No, but that would be impossible…' she thought, finishing Sakura's fibula. 'Only one way to be sure, and I'll need to check. No telling how much damage she could be doing to herself in the long run with a poorly manufactured forbidden jutsu.'

"I'm calling a hold." Tsunade spoke powerfully, grabbing the attention of a very surprised pair of medics.

"Are you sure, Senju-sama? We can continue working…" The voice of the medi-nin trailed off at a cold look from his commander.

"Put her in the stabilizing matrix, and monitor her vitals." Tsunade said slowly, as if insinuating the man's idiocy.

"Hai, Hokage-sama!" He replied promptly with a short bow. Wheeling the body of Sakura over to a massive sealing array in the center of the room, the medic shouted a quick "Fuuin!" causing the many lines of the seal to glow a peaceful blue.

Moving into an adjacent room, the Hokage moved to read the signals being emitted by the sealing array.

Her eyes widened.

"That's not possible…" She whispered to herself before hurrying over next to Sakura's unconscious body and ripping off the blanket that covered the young woman's decency.

"Hokage-sama!" Shouted one of the medics, moving his eyes to the ceiling in embarrassment. "What is the meaning of this?"

"Look." The slug sannin said sampling pointing to the girls' stomach. Following her pointing figure, the surgeon gasped at what he saw.

There, on Sakura's nubile stomach, circled the eight trigrams seal, famous for holding the Kyuubi inside of Naruto Uzumaki.

Looking at the shocked expression of his colleagues, the last member of the medical team peered at the infamous seal laying peacefully on his colleague's/bosses stomach. He summarized the mood in the room with a pair of words.

"Well, Fuck."

**:Line Break:**

Naruto and Sakura charged through a last line of trees, immediately stopping in the face of a long fall.

They stood open an open cliff overlooking a massive village below. The sheer girth of it pointed to a truly staggering number of inhabitants not seen outside of major merchant towns, hidden villages, and capitals. And judging by the cliff, the forests, the size of the village, and the placement of a very familiar looking tower set in the center of the village, there was only one place that this could be.

"Konoha," Sakura breathed in relief, exhaustion taking a firm hold over her limbs and mind. "Thank Kami we're saved! Come on, Naruto, let's go report in to Tsunade what's happened!"

She turned to jump off the cliff, but found fingers like iron catching her wrist.

"Naruto what are you doing? Konoha is right there!" Yanking her hand free with a small application of her teacher's legendary strength.

Naruto stared with a hopeless expression that seemed so out of place on his face. Like a camel in the Land of Hot Springs

"Sakura," he began slowly. "I have been coming up to this view since jiji showed me it when I was five. I saw this village, memorized it more than any subject Iruka ever gave us. I remember before I could attend the academy the constant people flowing into the village from the Uchiha district. I remember after I graduated how that park on the east approach to the village proper went under maintenance 'cause of a prank I pulled. I remember the damages from after the Chunin Exam invasion. I remember what it looked like when I came back from my three year training trip with pervy sage. And I sure as _hell _remember the village after Nagato attacked. And I am telling you that This Is Not Konoha!"

Sakura took a step back at his sudden vicious ending. "What?" She mumbled before giving the village a second look.

To her it seemed like everything should be in its place. The parks were there that she remembered playing in when she was a child. The academy they had attended as children. The large open circle at the center of town next to the Hokage tower, one of only two buildings that had been left standing after Pein's attack next to the Hospital.

'Wait…' Sakura thought, eyes widening in realization.

"They shouldn't be here either…" Concerned jade eyes bored into Naruto's now cerulean. "This wouldn't fit with the genjutsu theory…"

"I don't know, but we can't stay here any longer either."

As if to emphasize that very fact, the sound of hissing was heard over the slight wind at the top of the cliff. Naruto's eyes widened in realization and snapped his eyes closed and his hands went to his ears and already bracing his legs in the anticipation to leap out of the way of a follow up attack.

Sakura however, was a second too slow.

A flash tag exploded in between them, the concussive force of it sending both teens flying.

Naruto rolled with the explosion, far too used to being caught in the center of such blasts to not know what to do when caught in another.

Again though, Sakura drew the short straw of Fate.

Flying from the concussive force, she was first sent headfirst into a nearby tree. Crumpling from that impact, succumbing to unconsciousness, and having a clear concussion, Sakura's unconscious body rolled in the aftermath of her arboreal collision, and was sent straight over the nearby cliff.

"SAKURA!" Naruto screamed, catching her fall out of the corner of his eye. Rushing over the cliffs edge, he was just able to spy her body on top of some large formation of rock before being snatched back by his arm.

"Target confirmed, sighted atop the Hokage monument." Spoke a nearby voice in an eerily calm and familiar way. "Engaging presently."

Looking back at his hand, Naruto was quite surprised to find his wrist caught by a rather large, pale ape.

Lashing out with his free hand, the creature dissolved in a small explosion of paper and ink.

"Sai?" Naruto asked in a small questioning voice.

His only response was a small swarm of medium size birds attempting to push him back over the cliff.

Holding his hands in a cross shaped formation, Naruto growled out on of his signature jutsu.

"Kage Bunshin!"

Four Naruto's erupted from clouds of smoke, three of which immediately set to work carving up ink constructs as the ran out from behind trees and from the cover of leaves, leaving the fourth joined its creator over the cliff edge, dodging ink constructs turned projectiles as they made their way towards an unconscious kunoichi.

Jumping down beside her on the rock formation, Naruto was distraught at her condition. One of her arms had been broken, as had a leg and at least two ribs, and one of her ears was bleeding.

"This doesn't look good boss." His clone said redundantly. "I don't know if we can move her like-"

Naruto was suddenly hit with the feedback of his clone looking down on him and being stabbed in the neck.

Rolling out of the way of the follow up attack, Naruto drew a kunai and shaped wind chakra around, increasing its length and cutting power.

Standing next to Sakura was a dark haired man with onyx eyes, dressed in a dark set of robes. He looked young, barely into his thirties, and he possessed a ruggedly handsome arrangement of features, only marred by a matching pair of scars around his eyes, and a cross shaped scar on his chin. He held a sword easily, as if it belonged in his hand more than out of it.

"You know, I knew that you would come back to me someday." The man spoke in a smooth baritone. "Hells, I counted on it. But never, in all my years of planning, or even in my wildest dreams, did I ever imagine that it would end up like this."

Naruto gave the man a once over again, and spoke back in a curious, scratchy voice. "What, are you supposed to be important or something?"

The man frowned deeply, another expression that belonged with the sword in the category of things that seem natural to this man. The frown passed quickly though, replaced by a smirk.

"Of course, jokes. I should expect as much from someone of your stature and ability. But I had hoped you would take this more seriously." The man shivered in excitement, looking decidedly unnatural doing so. "I do so enjoy a good revenge plot, especially when it fails and I grind you to dust under my heel."

"Right…" Naruto drawled, looking back to Sakura. "Well you know what? I'm just not feeling the whole 'Vengeance' thing today, so maybe I'll just take my friend and go-"

"Uh uh uh," The man spoke, black eyes bleeding to red. "I don't think so. You see, Sakura belongs here."

He leaned forward, black flames erupting from the length of his sword. "No telling what perverted things you'd like to do to her."

Naruto flushed, and emitted a growl, his fingers forming their old seal. Before he could speak the words, however, he was forced to dodge an explosion of black flame.

"AMATERASU!" Screamed the other man, leaping after Naruto as he jumped to another rock formation. Using the opportunity presented to him, Naruto flung several wind enhanced shuriken back towards the airborne Sharingan wielder.

The weapons were met with nothing but contempt as the Sharingan user didn't even bother to slice at them, content to let them hit…and pass straight through his body.

"What!" Naruto exclaimed, recognizing Tobi's tactic when he saw it.

"'What' is correct." The robed man replied, slicing at Naruto, leaving himself open to a one-two combo that passed straight through where his lung should have been. "But the question more should be, 'What is so different about you?'"

Naruto avoided answering and a follow-up swing of his opponents' sword by taking the fight vertical, using chakra to stick to the sheer cliff face.

"You're acting like we've never done this before." He spoke casting his black fire along the cliff face, enjoying the sight of the blonde dodging for his life. "And where is your bag of tricks? Or that patented Uzumaki charm?"

Naruto leaped onto a third rock outcropping, meeting kunai with blade a millisecond after he had land.

"So really the question is," The man began tersely, before angling his blade quickly to slice at Naruto's kunai wielding arm. This forced Naruto to drop the kunai, leaving him open for the dark robed man's slice across his torso, and subsequent stab through the lung.

"Just what are you supposed to be?"

Naruto took a ragged breath. "…Decoy…"

The man's eyes widened as a sage enhanced punch hit him so hard in the back of the head, that his body made an indent in the rock wall.

In sage mode, Naruto felt more than saw the rapidly approaching mass of jonin and above jonin chakra signatures. Jumping over to Sakura's side, however, he was met with one such signature.

"Surprise!" The dark robed man shouted, knocking the breath out of Naruto with a forceful lunge. The katana that he was hit with however fared much worse than he.

"Interesting!" The man said with a smirk, looking down at the ruined metal of his sword and Naruto's unmarked skin through the tear his sword made in Naruto's jacket.

"Now that's the bag of tricks I was hoping for!" The man crowed, placing a foot on Sakura's still body. "But I am afraid you just waited too long. You know how I detest audiences."

Sensing the flare of chakra, Naruto started throwing punches at the man, but all fell through, as if he had the composition of mist.

"So if it's the girl you came back to get, then it's the girl I'll keep close to me." To Naruto's mounting horror, both the dark robed man and the girl he stood on started to slowly fade from Naruto's sight and senses. "Remember to bring you're a-game next time, would you?"

Letting out a shocked breath/shout/yelp, tears formed in Naruto's eyes as he lost all feeling of Sakura or the dark robed man.

ANBU swarmed like ants over the lip of the cliff, and up from the base

'Can't beat 'em all…not like this.' Naruto thought to himself, his hand still on the stone where Sakura had disappeared.

'I gotta move.' He felt the chakra enhancement of the strake aimed at the back of his head. 'GOTTA MOVE!'

Naruto rolled out of the way of the blow, which shattered a stone where he had been kneeling before, and he leaped from the rock face with a sage enhanced push.

Almost flying through the air towards the false Konoha, an infiltration lesson from ero-sannin rose unbidden in his memory.

"_If at any point in your career, hopefully as illustrious as my own, you find yourself pursued by a large host of ninja, remember to follow the time honored three rules of evading capture. 1, DON'T PANIC! I can't say that with enough emphasis. 2, Stick to familiar ground. If you don't feel confident in your knowledge of an area, do your best to avoid it. If you can't avoid it, then go through it as fast as possible. And 3, make a feint towards something important to those chasing you. If they are guarding a person, be seen heading in that persons direction. If they guard an area or city, do the same. Nine outta ten times, they are going to be more concerned with defending that person/thing then they are going to be with chasing you, and they won't use their most powerful jutsu on you either, for fear of what they are guarding."_

Bracing himself, Naruto hit the first shale roof hard, rolling forward to disperse the force of the landing.

Then, Naruto let himself fall in between the buildings, legs operating on knowledge gleamed from years of outrunning ANBU in these very alleyways.

Alleyway followed alleyway, Naruto's body whipping through tight corners and tighter fits faster and faster.

Whipping around one laundry pole, Naruto flung himself at high velocity through a group of robed, masked figures, bowling one over in the process of his dizzying escape procedure.

"Quick, after him!" One of the masked figures shouts in perhaps one of the most unnecessary statements of the night.

Running along a series of fire escapes afforded Naruto the ability to look back and observe his pursuers.

Half a dozen ran, arms extended fully behind their backs in an all-out pelt to catch up with him, black cloaks flapping wildly in the breeze, like a suicidal ravens on a collision course. And to his shame, they were catching him up.

'They've got speed,' Naruto thought, jumping onto a long rubber cord, and using that platform as a slingshot to round an impossibly tight corner. 'Now let's see if they're quick."

Three of the six ANBU made the turn with no difficulty and continued their pursuits, with a full half of them either missing the turn, or misjudging the slingshots power and crashing into the buildings lining Naruto's present path.

'Just like old times' the blonde thought with a smirk, reaching out with a chakra lined palm to catch the corner of a building.

Swinging around it at brutal speed, Naruto was treated to the satisfying 'crack' of another ANBU flying into a wall.

'Two left.'

A further two minutes of the high speed flew by, but still Naruto held two ANBU on his tail, even gaining a third once in a while, as they hopped down from the rooftops to get a whack at him.

Running down a particularly obstacle laden side street, Naruto turned his head, trying to observe exactly how they were matching him.

The two dark, masked figures followed every movement he did exactly. Every duck, dip and dive were done exactly as he did mere seconds before hand, allowing the figure to keep up with him, even going so far as to allow them to partially close the distance.

Reactions like that only brought up memories of one person in Naruto's mind.

'Their reactions…it's just like Sasuke!' Whipping around another corner, Naruto cut through an open window to buy himself a little time.

'If they react like Sasuke, then that means that they've gotta have the Sharingan too, just like that bastard old man, or like those Police guys I used to outrun back in the old days…'

Leaping out another window, Naruto could only smile a bit as the glass cut his skin. 'Right, so how did that trick I used to use go…?'

Naruto gave an all-out sprint down a particularly long street in the old red light district, and true to its nature, some of the carts were even still pawning their wares to blitzed men and ninja seeking a night of comfort and forgetfulness.

Running close to a pair of merchants, one cart and another a vendor, Naruto grabbed a large knife from the edge of the cart, and a large bag of flour from the vendor.

Taking a sharp right over a fence, to the loud disgruntlement of a man and his lady friend there, Naruto searched for a perfect place to set up his ambush. A crashing sound came from behind him

'There!' He thought, looking at a side street barely a wide enough to fit a merchant's cart, and cut back at such an extreme angle as to seem that it would join the main road of the red light district.

Getting a firm hold of both the knife and the bag, Naruto made a quick incision, slicing the flour bag lengthwise almost completely from top to bottom. Falling to a slide to aid his turn, Naruto used his momentum to spring back to his feet and run ten yards down the side street.

Whipping the bag of flour around, Naruto proceeded to smash it into the buildings on either side of the street, spraying the powder out of the bag, forming a fine, but thick cloud.

Suppressing his chakra and extending his senses, Naruto hadn't long at all to wait for the two Uchiha wannabe to race around the corner, and in defiance of all things ninja, right through the cloud.

Naruto felt absolutely no sympathy as he delivered a pair of punches so hard that the alabaster masks shattered.

'Had to make do without a camo-blanket' He thought, in way of explanation to himself. Shaking his head, Naruto created a quick shadow clone, with orders to continue leading the ANBU on a merry chase through the town.

With a small salute, the cloned Naruto immediately hopped up on the nearest rooftop.

"Come and get me, you sick bastards!" It cried, hands forming a particular seal, and smoke issuing from his form.

Naruto, on the other hand, quickly went into a modified version of his sexy jutsu, complete with scarce body cover, and suppressed his chakra. Just another streetwalker in the lonely ghetto with the sounds of his own maniacal laughter in the distance, and the percussion of explosions like a heartbeat on this cold night.

Looking up and around to catch any signs of pursuits, Naruto found his eyes lingering on the Hokage Mountain, where he had fought the cloaked, scarred man not an hour before. His eyes drank every detail of the faces, the curves, the scars, and the harsh lines created by the frowns that seemed universal across all of the hokage's. And Naruto saw something that upset him a great deal.

"None of them are the same…" he…or she whispered in the dead night air.

Indeed, not a single one of the Hokage upon that monument matched Naruto's own. In the place of the Shodaime's smooth hair and distinguished chin was instead a man with long hair draped over half of his face. Replacing the Niidaime was someone who looked like some bizarro cross between Sasuke and Itachi, with a bit of Yamato-taichou thrown in. The old man was replaced by a familiar looking ninja with harsh, angular lines, and a cross marked scar on his chin. The fourth was some guy with a Fu Manchu who looked like he had the world's most powerful futon technique made just to do his hair in the morning. And the fifth, sure enough, was the snake bastard.

"Where in the hells am I?" Naruto muttered, before remembering his current goal of escape. Taking a few tentative steps, the only thing that saved Naruto from falling face first and breaking his henge were years of agility training.

'How do people walk in these things.' the blonde thought, grateful for anything that took his mind away from the bizarre circumstances in which he found himself.

In order to keep his cover, and because the sadism of the modern fashion industry, it took Naruto nearly half an hour before he reached his target. A lesser patrolled part of Konoha, mostly home to clan compounds and a few training areas.

Dispelling the henge, Naruto continues his retreat from the Konoha's forces, leaping over the high wall made entirely of bands of Iron, seals, and tall straight tree trunks, sharpened to points.

Hopping over the fence to freedom from his pursuers, temporary as it undoubtedly was, Naruto never felt or saw the lavender eyes that followed.

**AN**

Now I'm not going to say that I'm not working on my other stories, I am, but it is that all of my stories are epic in length, and that some selection between my chapter updates was going to be inevitable, especially considering my busy life.

I can hear some complaints already. 'Life? What life? You write Fan fiction, not exactly the most sterling thing to bring up with a date, 10k!' True, and that's even assuming I went on dates. No I am busy with 1 college, 2 looking for work, 3 dog, 4 family 5 assembling a piece of fiction where I don't have to write a disclaimer at the top of it to appease someone else's bruised ego.

So yeah, while I have the vast majority of the latest updates for Fractured Fate and Breaking the Rules are both written, I find I have neither the time nor the inspiration to cover the measly 2000 words remaining to complete them.

Also, since this is now becoming its own 'official' story, and the first one of mine to make it out of my playpen, I am looking for a beta, one that will be heavily involved in both the writing and editing process, and will be available for discussion regarding future plot points.

Anyway, hope you liked the update, if you didn't tell me why in a way that isn't a flame and I might get back to you.

Thanks for Reading and Reviewing!

10k


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